


Where Loyalties Lie

by linatrinch



Series: Stormpilot Tumblr Prompts [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Poe's got a choice to make, and he's so in denial bless his heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 23:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6927742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linatrinch/pseuds/linatrinch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>poedamn-sonn asked, "when poe realizes he doesn't need to be alone anymore, he can allow himself to be happy, he doesn't have to always be the infallible pilot commander and finn smiles without words because he understands, and he's happy that poe /finally gets it/"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Loyalties Lie

The Resistance was quite literally Poe Dameron’s entire life. And it made sense, really. His mother was a pilot in the Rebellion, his father a Pathfinder along Han Solo. If the war hadn’t continued, Poe really didn’t know what his life would have become. But it did, and he was here. Not that his devotion to the cause was unwanted by any means, though. He was good at what he did (by hard work and skill, not by luck and charisma as most believed), and good people depended on him.

Sometimes the entire galaxy depended on him.

For years, he would have never had it any other way. Without the Resistance, without the Black One, he had very little purpose. Though not in a sad way. He was more than okay with it. Less ties to the outside, the more he can put his all into the cause. In fact, the only real tie he had was his father, and Kes Dameron understood war more than anyone should. He would give his life for the Resistance, for the galaxy’s freedom, for the face General Hux would make when they finally won. Life, limb, mind, soul, everything. And he was happy with that. He thought he was happy with that.

Then Finn- Well. Actually, Finn is a completely different topic. As proud and elated Poe had been when Finn joined them to help destroy Starkiller, he understood that war wasn’t for everyone. Finn had grown up in it, obviously, but they met only because he was running away from it. Finn had gone back to Starkiller to save his friend and stayed on D’Qar long enough to tell the General and her strategists everything he could think of about the First Order. Poe had absolutely zero doubts that Finn would soon leave.

It wasn’t like they were keeping him prisoner or anything. They had explained time and again that he owed them nothing for patching him up after what he had done for the galaxy. He was hero, Poe explained many times. _They_ owed _him_. After the understanding had gotten across, after several dozen private meetings with the General, after billions upon billions of questions about how Rey was doing, Poe saw their time together drawing to a close.

There was no denying that they had chemistry. Those moments in that TIE Fighter- Poe hadn’t connected with someone that quickly before under any circumstance, especially a dire one. There was also no denying that one night stands weren’t entirely uncommon on base during down time. Poe had often drifted off in thought, wondering just how shocked Finn would be if he was suddenly pulled into a dark room with his best buddy on his knees in front of him. It was a nice thought. A damn nice thought.

But Poe didn’t. He wanted to, he definitely wanted to. But he and Finn were pretty close. It wasn’t that he thought it would ruin what relationship they had. He just didn’t want a good fuck to be their goodbye. He didn’t _want_  a goodbye. But Finn was going to leave. Poe kept that in mind. He’s not staying. Why would he?

So he pushed away all thoughts of the filthy sounds Finn would make, as well as the questions that made him wonder why he’d push away those thoughts at all. It’s not unheard of, to screw someone he was attracted to when he knew he wasn’t going to see them again. And yeah, he was going to miss Finn, but the job came first. He couldn’t allow himself to think about what _could_  be, what would happen if Finn stayed, what would happen if Poe left with him, what would happen if they were actually together. Those thoughts hurt, so he pushed them away. The _Resistance_  was his life. Not some one night stand. Not some crush. The fight. The war.

When he was young but old enough to understand the world a little more, and the stories of his mother’s and father’s hero days had a bit more gray lines to them, Poe had asked his mother why she fought in the war in the first place. She couldn’t have been happy there, trying to survive, watching friends die,  _killing people_ , so why? He expected her to say “It was the right thing to do” or “because it was about more than myself” or something else he had heard on the holos at some point. But instead she gave that soft smile, like she was proud of him just for asking, and tousled his hair. “I did it for you, _cariño_. So you’d have a better life, because I love you.” It had stuck with him, but it wasn’t why he fought.

But every time he looked at Finn, he… forgot why he fought. Well, he didn’t forget the reasons. They just seemed so much smaller now, not as important anymore. But it didn’t matter. Finn wasn’t staying.

It was the only thought that kept him sane, until the day Finn happily rushed into his room like a whirlwind, chattering so fast that Poe could hardly keep up, and his vision narrowed down to the tiny bar that was being waved in his face excitedly. Lieutenant. They made him an officer.

“They wanted to do a freaking ceremony, Poe. Could you imagine? Took me like an hour to talk them out of it. But look! I’ve never seen anything so shiny in my life! Statura says I’m supposed to have higher clearance now, but it’s more a formality since they’ve been showing me a ton of stuff anyway. And Ackbar says I’m to train new recruits! Training, Poe! They want me teaching hand to hand combat! Isn’t that amazing! I hope I don’t hurt anyone the first day. That’ll suck.”

“You’re staying?” That certainly wasn’t what he had meant to say. Maybe something that sounded more like a congratulations or even something that sounded just a little excited for his friend. As it was, he felt like all of the air had rushed out of his lungs with this realization. He wasn’t even sure if what he felt was good or bad. He definitely didn’t want to explore the feeling to find out.

But Finn stopped spinning around in Poe’s desk chair abruptly and frowned back to him with a confused blankness. “… Staying-… Staying… where? Here? … Well, they mentioned officer’s quarters, but I have to go pick up a key somewhere… Are we talking about bunk mates? What are you talking about?”

What was he… talking about? It was almost as if Finn never considered this to be a question. “With the Resistance. You’re staying with the Resistance?”

Finn blinked back at him helplessly. “Yes?” Then straightened up, suddenly a little more serious. “Well, I thought- I mean, I want to help. I have a lot of knowledge, a lot of skills. I know I _can_  help, but I just thought that-… Is this a problem?”

“No!” Yes, he reminded himself. This is a massive problem. He was never meant to stay. This crush, this pining, this wasn’t supposed to continue. His very presence was interfering with everything Poe thought he had known about himself and his loyalty. “Buddy, no way! I’m so happy for you! I just- When we met-”

“Yeah, I know,” Finn interrupted, but leaned back in the chair as if the tension had already left the room, buffing his new bar with his thumb. “But things are different than what they were. Made friends, did a little bit of good. I’ll have more purpose here than I would in the Outer Rim. I’ll be happier here. But I-” He paused then, glanced up at Poe through his lashes, and very nearly said something before his facade dissolved into a grin, looking away again. “I don’t know what I was thinking. But I want to stay. I want to help.”

It felt like a knife was twisting into Poe’s chest, sweet and warm and addictive. “I’m glad you’re staying, buddy,” he found himself saying sincerely, feeling a smile grow across his face. “No one deserves that bar more than you.”

“Thanks,” Finn had smiled warmly, and Poe wanted to recommend a party or dinner or something as a means to celebrate the rank, something he could get drunk at and not have to think about all of this for at least a few more hours, but the other man was already standing. “I’m gonna go find that key now that you reminded me of it. See you at dinner.”

“Yeah,” he called after him, deflating as the door closed. That was meant to go differently, wasn’t it? Didn’t matter. He had things to think through. Things that shouldn’t even be thought through.

Poe had been waiting with bated breath for Finn to leave for so long that he never dared to think that wouldn’t be what happened. Finn was staying. It changed everything. They had a deep connection. And it was so painfully obvious that they could be something more, something better, something worth everything that happened on Jakku several times over. Even if they kept their distance, they would still see each other. Poe wasn’t so much of an ass to completely cut Finn off without any rhyme or reason. These feelings, as hard as they were to ignore already, wouldn’t go away.

He knew what he felt for the other man - whether it was returned or not - was much bigger than the crush he wished he could pretend it was. The Resistance wasn’t everything anymore. And maybe Finn wasn’t either, but Poe could see a future now, something that he wanted more than anything. But he was Commander. _So many_  good people depended on him. It used to be what he wanted. It used to be his entire life.

As careful as he had been-…

What if Finn died? What if he was lost on the front lines fighting the people that raised him? What if he was captured? This wasn’t like Snap or Jess or even L’ulo. They all understood and had that unspoken agreement with each other. Even Finn, raised to be a soldier, knew this rule, but- But the Resistance wasn’t everything anymore. Maybe Finn could take it, but _Poe_  couldn’t.

They couldn’t do this. Whatever this was, they could not do this. He had to cut him off. He was _depending_  on Finn not staying. They couldn’t do this. Too many people counted on him. He couldn’t let himself do this, but he _wanted_  it. Finn wanted it. They both did. It was so _obvious_. 

He buried his face in his hands, trying to think this through but so overwhelmed with being hit like this from the sidelines. If it was just lust, just fucking, it would be so easy but it wasn’t. It so very clearly wasn’t.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t gone to dinner, because Finn came back to him again that night. Well, not really since Poe wasn’t in his quarters. He was currently needling his way through one of Black One’s engines, having meant to do a thorough check on the whole ship for some time and never gotten around to it. Menial tasks, things to keep his hands busy, keep his thoughts occupied. That’s where Finn found him, practically covered in oil already. “Hey, Poe?”

He wanted to curse aloud at being caught out here alone with only the object of Poe’s entire world with him. But he didn’t. He raised his head, smiled when he caught sight of Finn. Because how couldn’t he? “Hey, buddy! What’s up?”

But Finn was shifting from one leg to the next, a little upset even with that small smile. “You missed dinner.”

“Did I? Sorry. Just caught up with stuff.” A lie. Well, he did get caught up, but it was still a lie.

“I know you’re busy, but-” Finn bit his lip, rubbed a hand over his bicep. “Can we talk? When you have time, of course.”

Poe very nearly told him he was too busy, but that was even more of a lie. Did he really want to push Finn away? With that pout on his lips and an honest sorrow in his eyes, Poe couldn’t stop himself. “Now’s good,” he said, hopping off of the X-Wing and wiping his hands on a dirty rag from his pocket, walking over to him. “What’s up? You just got a big promotion. Why you look so bummed out?”

Finn trailed his eyes down, resting at Poe’s feet before eventually looking him in the eye again. After a length, he sighed, shifted, looked at the adjacent wall, and just came out with it. “Look, I’m not good with being subtle and going by cues and stuff. I was too… _sheltered_. Which isn’t even a close enough word for it, but- Anyway.” He shifted again, stood straighter with shoulders back, and looked Poe in the eyes. “Do you want me to stay?”

He could have choked on his own tongue. “Finn, of course-”

“You’re not being honest with me.”

“The hell are you talking about? I don’t want you to leave. Finn, I care about you.”

“I know you do,” he muttered, running a hand over his hair, then straightening up again. “Look-… Whatever you do want won’t change my mind, _let me finish_ \- I want to stay and help. That’s not changing. But I just thought that- I mean, it seemed like-… I thought you’d be happier that I was staying, not thinking this whole time that I was leaving. It seemed like… we had something. We _have_  something. And it’s mutual, but you’re not nearly as excited as I am about it.”

O- Oh… Poe’s mind had left him, trying to dig up something to say but coming up completely empty and worthless. He didn’t expect to have to face it, especially not like this. So much for ignoring it. “I _am_ happy you’re staying, and I… _do_ feel-… I- I’m just having- There’s a lot to-”

“I know,” Finn cut him off again, and glanced over his head to look at Black One. “You’re Commander Poe Dameron.” This was the first time in his life that the title hurt so much. And Finn had obviously not meant for it to, he said it like the fact it was, but it still felt like his chest had just been ripped open, like the decision had been made for him on the course that he actually hadn’t wanted all along. “I know. I get it,” Finn continued, looking back to him like the entire galaxy hadn’t just drastically shifted. “I just wanted to make sure. I wanted it out in the open and not hiding under some rock. I wanted to make sure we were cool.”

Poe stared at him for a long time, studying his face, every tiny little detail and feature. “We’re cool,” he answered quietly.

A little wrinkle appeared between Finn’s brow, his lips turning down softly. “You’re sure?”

Poe grabbed his arm and kissed him full on those pouting lips. He allowed himself the moment to savor the feeling, the hum of shock that went through them both, the press against his kiss. Then he pulled away, quickly, suddenly, wondering what the hell he’d just done but so very glad that he had done it. “Sorry, I-I-” Then everything spilled out. “I want this. I want this with you. I’m sorry for before. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. Finn, I’m-” The air caught in his throat, and he licked his lips, standing far too close to the other man to be practical. “I’m scared.”

And Finn just stared at him for a moment, still a little shocked over the kiss and then the confession, before his hand trailed through Poe’s hair, a little smile slowly gracing his lips. “Me, too,” he admitted, pressing their foreheads together. “Me, too. I’m scared, too.”

Poe was smiling with him, closing his eyes, feeling safe and warm and  _happy_  with the knowledge that he’d made the right choice.

**Author's Note:**

> This one was long but cute.
> 
> Anywho, send me some stormpilot prompts on [tumblr](http://linatrinch.tumblr.com/ask) if you have anything. Thanks!


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